Revelation

I am a busy person. Work is so busy right now I feel like most days I could stay until long past everyone has already gone home and still not feel like I am getting ahead. Getting together with friends, trying to find time to workout, freelancing and delving into this new adventure of illustrating children's books with my girlfriend has taken up all of my time. It doesn't help that I hurt my back at the gym the other day so now sitting for hours on end at work has become extremely uncomfortable. Then catching a bit of a cold last weekend that has decided to stick around and develop into this runny, itchy nose/lost voice thing...

I have so much to get done yet it always seems like something is getting in the way of me getting my stuff done. Maybe I have taken on too much? At times I think I am spreading myself too thin and when you do that, when a person spreads themselves too thin, then certain things 'give'. The things that 'give' are the things that aren't as important as the things that don't 'give'...and that's my revelation. 

In that revelation I have discovered the need to pair my life down to the people, projects and things that are most important to me in order for me to be able to be the best me I can be. In my personal life it seems like I have a hold on the 'things' in my life that are most important to me. I have all but stopped spending extravagantly on unnecessary items that only hold pleasure for me for a brief moment and then either end up at the bottom of my closet or useless on a shelf somewhere. I also have a better hold on 'projects' these days and have begun to schedule time to complete those projects first which have been on my list the longest. By the end of the month I should be set in that regard. The biggest area of difficulty I have with this revelation is in regard to 'people'. 

After much thought, meditation and soul searching I have come to the conclusion that I am who I am and I can no longer feel guilty about that. When I think about the people I want to spend time with I do it because those people illicit something in me that makes me feel good. When it comes to what makes me happy, how I want to live my day to day life, what I see in my minds eye for myself in the future...I find I surround myself with people who inspire me. People who are driven, passionate and people who are caring and loving and people who are true to themselves and God and people who aren't afraid to take a chance on faith and karma and believing in something greater than themselves. These kinds of people are my people and I don't want to lessen their involvement in my life, in fact, I have to increase their involvement in my life.

I truly believe that everything we do, everything that happens to us, everything that we are is for a reason and not just a chance fluke. I believe everyone who comes into my life, weather they come for a brief moment, stay for a long while or go, came into my life for a specific purpose and has fulfilled or is fulfilling their purpose for me as I am fulfilling it for them.

I guess this means that I then also have to accept that it doesn't always end in a 'happy ending'... but that's the beauty of it...I am who I am because it always hasn't.